Hillsdale College Course Catalogue by Andy Reuss

What if Harry Potter is Real?
Are you ready to lose any and every preconceived notion of reality? Are you ready to believe in magic? If so, this is the wrong class for you. While Appalachian State University may be able to offer a course on the implications of the possible truth of the Harry Potter tales, too few Hillsdale students have read the series, let alone seen the movies, to make such an interrogation possible. Instead, we will discuss the theory and methods of eradicating witchcraft if it were found in America, particularly if practiced by adolescents or the elderly. 

Interrogating Gender: Centuries of Dramatic Cross-Dressing
This course, first offered at Swarthmore College, will focus on the rich tradition of cross-dressing in the Western world. From the ancient Greeks in their comedies to the flighty Romantics of European literature (and even Presidents Buchanan and Taft), the reading list includes a treasure of transgender sources that will give the student a familiar understanding of the lesser-known side of the Greco-Roman heritage. It’s tradition: and aren’t we all about tradition, here at Hillsdale College? 
Street-Fighting Mathematics 
You’re a Hillsdale College student. We all know that it’s only a matter of time until you snap. When you do, this course is offered in the hopes of giving you a fighting chance in any confrontation you start in your liberal arts-addled state of mind. Through the MIT-inspired analysis according to mathematical patterns, your ability to street-fight will improve from the level of the most lovable home-schooler to that of the toughest public school valedictorian. (It’s Hillsdale, let’s be honest – there are no street-fighting thugs in this school.) 
Taking Marx Seriously 
 …Hahahaha! Sorry, I can’t take this seriously. Amherst might offer this, but not even a comedy article can say that Hillsdale College would take Marx seriously. 
Knitting for Noobs 
Combining two favorite pastimes of Hillsdale students (homemaking and mocking overuse of popular slang), this course will ensure that the men of the College are forever grateful for their female counterparts. An intense study and practice of the ancient art of scarf, shawl, and sock-making, freshmen from Simpson, Galloway, and Koon will be truly well-rounded and well-covered as a result of this new addition to the Core Curriculum. The origin of this class, Oberlin Experimental College, will never appreciate this life-saving skill as much as our beloved Hillsdale will.

Learning from YouTube 

Throughout this examination of the world’s most popular video-sharing site, students will be encouraged in their already-ingrained procrastination habits. In addition to basic viewing of user-generated content, the class will hold contests to determine which students can garner the most “likes” on a comment, effectively win an argument over the Internet, find a video before it goes viral, and download a virus from a sketchy link in the comment section. Unlike Pitzer College, though, the course at Hillsdale will be taught by the oldest and least tech-savvy professor in order to cultivate the despair over humanity sure to be found throughout the students’ wanderings of YouTube. F

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