by Jameson Payne
There is a specter haunting Michigan—haunting the whole world. One by one, our venerable institutions topple, swept away by the tide of hubristic reformers, new-fangled utopians, and latter-day fanatics. Harvard has fallen to the Bolshevists, Yale to the Hegelians, Berkeley to the Gnostics. The situation is grim. But, it is in being a solitary light within this dark that Hillsdale finds its institutional pride.
Yet despite our privileged position, none have stopped to wonder: have we forsaken vigilance for pride? Have we rested upon the laurels of reputation and grown lax? Could it be that the fox is in the coop? Indeed, after careful study of the nature of ordered liberty, the republican spirit, and the ballast which anchors sound government, I sadly conclude that Hillsdale has gone far astray from its mission.
Indeed, after careful study of the nature of ordered liberty, the republican spirit, and the ballast which anchors sound government, I sadly conclude that Hillsdale has gone far astray from its mission.
Ask yourself the following. Who determines your life, liberty, and happiness? Besets you with inescapable regulations, obligations, and burdens? What is the subject of many a Hillsdale student’s waking preoccupation, perhaps to the brink of neurosis? That’s right, I can mean only one thing: the Professoriate. They rule their classroom by fiat; the caprice of their grade dictates your life-course. The immense concentration of power under these 21st-century Stuarts warrants our examination as dutiful citizens.
When we enter these hallowed halls of liberal education, one of the first ideals instilled in us is the consent of the governed. We are told “Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.” Yet these lofty words ring hollow when told to us by professors, none of whom we elected, appointed, or authorized to reign over us. We are led like lambs to the slaughter by a cadre of unappointed intelligentsia—”experts”—whom we are to trust because of their “doctorate degrees” and “proven expertise in the field.” This Soviet-style agitprop shan’t persuade the more mettlesome of us, and reasoned inquiry will unmask this great injustice.
This Soviet-style agitprop shan’t persuade the more mettlesome of us, and reasoned inquiry will unmask this great injustice.
Various insuperable arguments lead us to doubt the propriety of rule-by-professor.
First is democratic humility: if Buckley favored the governance of the Boston phonebook over the Harvard faculty, why don’t we also learn Scholastic metaphysics from them? It betrays immense arrogance to think one knows Aquinas because one has actually read Aquinas.
Second, Plato’s concept of anamnesis dictates that knowledge is not acquired but merely recollected. Therefore, I possess just as much knowledge as any professor. If Socrates can teach Meno’s slave how to double a square’s area, then so too can I teach multi-variable calculus (whatever that is).
And third, data inform us that the majority of Americans can’t identify Ukraine on a map, believe that “cloud storage” is liable to raining, and that Francis Bacon was a shortstop for the Baltimore Orioles. Therefore, sound reasoning concludes that most Hillsdale professors are also woefully hopeless.
Now that we have conclusively shattered the despotic edifice upon which stands the ivory tower, we must ask ourselves: “what is to be done?” Fortunately, as purveyors of the great tradition of republican government, our answers are ready-made furnished by Montesquieu, Locke, and Publius.
Fortunately, as purveyors of the great tradition of republican government, our answers are ready-made furnished by Montesquieu, Locke, and Publius.
I humbly suggest that the separation of powers be introduced into the conduct of all Hillsdale College classrooms. As a token of our magnanimity, the professors shall maintain an esteemed position as chief executive. The students, however, shall retain that parliamentary sovereignty which is so crucial to our dearest liberties. The professors shall execute with alacrity and zeal the wise judgments of the student body upon matters of grading, class cancellations, and curriculum. In the case of interbranch dispute, a jury shall be convened of Hillsdale County residents. Under the surety of a presidential republic, we will enter the brotherhood of liberty, and be among the company of such bastions of freedom as Canada, Nicaragua, and Zambia.
Though the foregoing shall go far in remedying the draconian state of our institutions, the many-headed hydra of tyranny lurks in every corner. This leads me to the Student Federation, whose control over intramural finances makes them a formidable éminence grise. Unfortunately, their power has not been attended by the best practices of enlightened political science; their manner of election remains deficient and liable to royalist plots.
Fortunately, we may resort to the voting schemes of prosperous republics for guidance. The Doge of Venice was elected by thirty councilmen chosen by lot, who were reduced to lot by nine, who chose forty men who were reduced by lot to twelve, who chose twenty-five men reduced to nine, who selected forty-five, eleven of whom made the final decision. Such an ingeniously simple manner of election should be implemented in the Federation posthaste. Or, if we be seized by patriotic sentiment, an electoral college consisting of delegates from each dorm may also effect the ends of duly-constituted representation.
Hillsdale College goes it alone in deciding this great question: whether societies of students are really capable or not of establishing good schooling from refraction and noise, or whether they are forever destined to depend for their charters on incident and farce. This great experiment rises and falls with us. I feel assured that the cooler minds and generous spirits of this college will find my exhortation to be stupendous, unbelievable, and full of awe. Therefore, join me in bringing an end to the iron rule of the professors, a villainous custom that the annals of history shall condemn as rivaling the Star Chamber, the Duma, the National Assembly, or dare I say the Hillsdale County DMV.
Jameson Payne is a graduate student studying politics in the Van Andel School of Statesmanship.
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