A Christmas Karl

A Christmas Karl “You know Engels and Brezhnev and Trotsky and Lenin Castro, the Chairman, and Krushchev and Stalin But do you recall The most famous Comrade of all?” The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggle.  From the patrician and the plebeian, the lord and the serf, the bourgeoisie and the proletariat, we see this struggle. Here is the … Continue reading A Christmas Karl

Satire: “The Bone” to Tighten Food Security

By Noah Weinrich REYKJAVIK, ICELAND—In order to prevent food pilfering, wastage, embezzlement, and other felonious offenses in the dining hall, Budget On-Campus Nutrition Executives, the dining providers at Iceland Community College, have announced a plan to implement stricter controls on dining hall traffic.  The comprehensive security measures will be put in place at the beginning of the Fall 2016 semester. BONE has already announced their … Continue reading Satire: “The Bone” to Tighten Food Security

Satire: Gentrification

The bulldozers are coming. By Noah Weinrich HILLSDALE, MI-Amidst the excitement surrounding both new and upcoming renovation projects on Hillsdale College’s campus, some voices aren’t quite so enthusiastic about the changes.  Between the renovation of the Simpson and McIntyre dormitories, the tearing down of several houses to make room for tennis courts and parking lots, and the general improvement in the quality of buildings and … Continue reading Satire: Gentrification

Satire: Bernie Sanders

By Noah Weinrich HILLSDALE, MI First Speaker Arnn, now Professor Sanders. Hillsdale is joining the Revolution. In a press release Monday, Christopher Sullivan announced U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) as the newest Distinguished Visiting Professor of Economics. In the announcement, Sullivan stated that the newest addition to the campus would bring a novel outsider’s voice to Hillsdale College and, more importantly, a higher level of … Continue reading Satire: Bernie Sanders

Cup abuse rampant in cafeteria

by Andy Reuss HILLSDALE COLLEGE, Knorr Family Dining Room (Hillsdale Spectator wire) — A single plastic cup in the Knorr Family Dining Room has been used to illustrate at least 46 distinct philosophical points since students returned to campus this week. “I’m really only here to do one job, which is to transport and contain liquids”, said the cup, which cannot even choose to remain … Continue reading Cup abuse rampant in cafeteria

Admissions Office Records by Andy Reuss

The following story was found among the many records of the Hillsdale Admissions Office. Dated Wednesday, 17 October 2012, it is an account of an exchange between a soon-after fired student ambassador and a prospective student and his parents. Reader discretion advised. I knew to pay attention the moment I heard his voice echo through the 2nd floor hallway of Strosacker. One part soothing or … Continue reading Admissions Office Records by Andy Reuss

Hillsdale College Course Catalogue by Andy Reuss

What if Harry Potter is Real? Are you ready to lose any and every preconceived notion of reality? Are you ready to believe in magic? If so, this is the wrong class for you. While Appalachian State University may be able to offer a course on the implications of the possible truth of the Harry Potter tales, too few Hillsdale students have read the series, … Continue reading Hillsdale College Course Catalogue by Andy Reuss

RINOs: The Endangered Brutes of America by Andy Reuss

In America there are animals of all shapes and sizes, from the tough, individualistic armadillos of Texas to the banal, dependent tuna off the Bay Area coast. Today, we will study the declining state of the rhino, that mighty beast once identified with strength and vigor that now bumbles its way into the obscurity of old age and, ultimately, extinction. We’ll see how its feeding … Continue reading RINOs: The Endangered Brutes of America by Andy Reuss